It's an impossible world

[knightime]

Dave remembers pain.

Well, that's accurate and not. He remembers everything quite well. It plays kind of like a really bad dream. But he also know that's not quite accurate either, because it wasn't a dream. It was real. It's almost amusing how terrible things can be and still be real in this place. When Dave wakes up the first thought is how painful it was.

It's not new though. He's used to those kind of things when it comes to Jason and it comes to this place. But it always goes away. It's never permanent. Just some stupid hell that Jason inflicts on them whenever his month rolls by.

He can't help but let out a nervous laugh. Instead of the sound of his voice he just hears airy breaths and for a second his heart stops. He sits up right and presses his hands to his throat. It's perfectly fine. He can't feel any marks. Nothing that would indicate what happened. He tries to speak. Still nothing.

He tries to scream. It's dead silent. Dave swallows. It's a bad dream. This is just a nightmare. It can't possibly be real. He's just dreaming and he'll wake up and it's some hellbent punishment that he's experienced before. Except he knows he's just fooling himself.

Dave numbly gets back to his feet. He feels humiliated in some way. Slighted. He can't face anyone. He should have been more careful. Can you even be careful in this place? How long can he avoid people before it becomes obvious he's avoiding them. He's already counting the seconds.

Comments

[turntechtrainer]

It takes a whole day before Dave realizes his slightly younger self is avoiding him. After how loud they'd been and the punishment that had followed....

Dave's face had been marred when Jason cut out his eye. He remembers it all, but chooses to not think about it. An eye is a small price (no, it's a big cost). It takes him another half of a day to get his bearings enough to go hunting for him. The lack of depth perception throws him off and the bandages over the right side of his face are stuffy and pull a bit too tightly when he jerks his head to look around.

His sword work is off. he swings too wide. It's frustrating and eventually he finds him, his lone red eye burning in the dark. He doesn't say anything. Just standings with his blooded sword held point down and his tired expression very neutral. Like it always is.

After Bro disappeared, he'd become so chatty. He'd talked quite a bit before, rambling and tired and showing just how utterly DONE he was from life in the game and on a shitty meteor. Now. He can't even find it in him. They'd been careful! He couldn't see how it all went, so wrong.

But it had. So here he stands, watching other Dave before he shuts his eye and sits down. "Don't avoid me." All that needed to be said, right?

[knightime]

Dave feels the others' presence long before he speaks. He tenses up regardless, unsure what to do. If he runs, it'll be more obvious he's running. And knowing the other. Himself. Dave would find him. There's really nowhere he can really run. But he knew from the beginning that he'd eventually get caught. Still, he played the game knowing he'd lose.

He doesn't say anything. Can't say anything. So he kind of curls up tighter into himself. He looks so small, even at his age. Growth spurt had him fill out, but he's still too thin. Shorter than what he should have probably been. He's been stunted in so many ways growing up here since thirteen. He's well into his twenties, but he feels like it's been longer.

He waits for Dave to speak again. Waits to see how long it is before he has to be forced to speak and can't.

[turntechtrainer]

While one Dave had been stunted, the other had grown jnto a tall leanly built warrior. He'd been far enough along in his growth that by the time the tower tried to hurt, it wasn't noticable changes. He's thinner than he could have been, all hard lines and hawkish features.

He doesn't say anything else. What else could he say? Dave is curling into a ball and at their age that spells bad news. What did they take from him? Both his eyes? He moves forward, pressing lightly on thin narrow shoulders in a sudden surge of panic. "Dude, let me see. What did he take? Let me see." His hands shift, reaching to pull his face up. It's a gentle insistent touch.

He has to know. He needs to know. Over the years he's only grown more and more protective of his friends.

[knightime]

Dave tilts his head up so the other can look at him. Nothing physically has changed. You couldn't tell what was wrong with him just by staring at him.

But he's distressed enough and looks distressed that there's obviously something off. That whatever it is that happened is eating away at him silently and slowly. His mouth is in a thin firm line. He hasn't spoken a word. Hasn't even uttered a noise.

[turntechtrainer]

No sound. Why. Then it hits him. That was it. He sits back and removes his shades. His face on the left side is normal. The right is completely covered in bandages. Dave sighs and cups his face in his hands. "He took my eye."

Might as well say it. Dave, couldn't. His right hand drifts down to rest on his shoulder. "Wish he'd just taken one from you too." It would fair. But Jason had never been fair.

He knows that this is an effective tactic. Take the sword capability from one, forcing him to relearn everything. Take the voice of the other longer resident. Crippling them both with each other's disabilities.

[knightime]

Dave lifts his hand up just to gently press his fingers to the bandages, brow knitted. The other can already tell how the gears are turning in his mind. His way of coping is to ignore what's happened to him to concentrate on someone else being hurt.

It's a shitty way to cope, he knows. But it's scary to think about not speaking. He's barely started living his new loss and he's already struggling. He can't do this. No more shitty raps. No more rambling about things that don't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Speaking was such a good way for him to keep his mind off things, but now he has only silence. Silence doesn't really help your mind when it's so chaotic surprisingly enough.

He doesn't want to think about his problems. Maybe if he just concentrates on what to do with Dave and losing his eye, his own problem may disappear. Go quiet like him.

[turntechtrainer]

It's all he can give his other self, something else to focus on. Dave leans into the soft touch despite the slight pain of pressing against his stitches. He can. Feel the skin pulled taunt and can't even bother to care. He wants to fill the silence. He breathes slowly as he shifts closer, tucking himself in beside the other Dave.

"Think I should patch it? I mean damn I can be a pirate now. Or mafia. Or a hitman. I think I'd make a sexy one, all scruffy and hardcore. Who the fuck is this guy he's so baller they'd say."

[knightime]

Dave gives a lopsided smile and he almost was gonna laugh. Almost find the situation humor, but he's dumb and unaccustomed to not being able to talk (he hasn't approached people really) and opens his mouth to speak. He promptly closes his mouth again, realizing his mistake.

Everything is suddenly a lot less funny. Wow. He's also pretty sure he made it damn awkward.

[turntechtrainer]

He's fast to act, draping his arms over Dave's shoulders and invading his personal space until they're chest to chest with only their legs between them. "Yeah exactly. I could wear it when I don't feel like shading my dragon eye. People would actually be able to tell us apart aside from you being little orphan Annie sized. I don't get why it's so damn hard we may be the exact same dude but I'm built like a tiger and you're more like a hawk. How is that difficult??"

He can guess when Dave would laugh or talk and grips his shirt with his hands. "I'm going to need you help cleaning and dressing this. I don't have the depth perception to do it."

[knightime]

He stiffens up at first, unused to physical contact that wasn't something to hurt him. But he relaxes and gently wraps his arms around the others' waist. It's actually really comforting. Maybe because it's an action he can return.

And hearing the other talk is nice in itself. Maybe because they're the same person. Maybe he's relieved that the other isn't stuck in the same boat as him. He nods in response. He'll do that. That's something he can do. It's a lot easier than having to pile his trunk with books on sign language. Learning an entire alphabet than more. Even then, what's the point in learning something like this when no one won't be able to understand him still?

His arms tighten around the other slightly. As long as he can help the other though...he doesn't have to think about the things he can't do.

[turntechtrainer]

He just keeps talking, rambling by this point, the rush of words almost sounding desperate. He's trying to make light of it all. It's how he's survived and now without another voice he has to carry on the whole conversation. He's done it before. He'll just do it again.

"Man. My days of roof top strifing is over but here I am, back in school again. I'll learn it faster this time. Body still knows what to do. It's all about judging the distance now. Can't cover up this blind side problem. Have to pay more attention to sounds not that I don't. It's just a lesser awareness. Got to fix that. Make better, faster, stronger."

A thought occurs to him, one he bet they both have. "Showering is going to suck. I'll literally need soap on a rope for non-funny reasons."

[knightime]

Dave can't help but let out that breathy laugh he now has. He knows it's a little desperate, and he honestly appreciates the other rambling. It was relieving. He can't speak but at least the other can seemingly make up for his silence.

He gently pats Dave on the back. As though trying to let the other know that he'll be there to help the other with it. It'll be awhile before he'll figure out a sure way to communicate to others what he's trying to convey.

How does one joke that he'll help the other shower? Maybe it's better he can't say that. It might be hilarious, but also kind of awkward. Also really gay.

[turntechtrainer]

He lightly taps his knuckles against Dave's shoulder. "Thanks man. So long as you don't look down - which I don't know why you would we have exactly the same junk - shower help is totally appreciated." Wow that was awkward. And Gay.

"Can we forget I just said that and pretend I said sure man that would be great. I won't stumble around like I lost my mind or some shuffling old man when I'm young and spry." That sounds worse.

He just sighs and rests his chin on his other self's shoulder. "Welp. It's Dave Strider crams his foot in his mouth hour. At least it's with you. I know exactly what shit you'll give me for it and how to counter it. So keep laughing asshole. God we're a mess."

[turntechtrainer]

Showers are a place of solitude, or at least that's what Dave thinks. Sometimes he hangs around when Rose or John are washing up. They talk but, they know that he's not the man he was before his eye was taken. Like a tree that used to grow straight, he's gnarled and twisted inside. He says little, and when he does it's words that needed to be said.

He'd driven out his weaknesses and no one can say his swordwork isn't up to par. It was better than it had ever had been before. It was as if missing an eye lit the fire to things inside. Or maybe.

He just finally got serious.

They don't know how many nights he curled in on himself sucking in pained breaths. Or how often he stumbled and fell in the middle of a swing. Or how hard he struggled to get better.

He'd learned what you didn't advertise made you seem invincible. Let them really think he could swallow the world or tear it apart in one swing of his sword. He flipped the soap back into his grasp with a practiced flick of his foot. It nearly missed but he'd practiced enough he knew right when to hold fast.

He'd trained blindfolded so often his hearing is acute, almost better than his sight. Still to be sure of what he's doing in the early morning before the day begins, he turns his head and keeps watch of how the soap is slicking over his wet chest.

[knightime]

Dave became lethal in his own right. He was never going to bulk up, so he made speed his weapon. He trained hard enough that he was quick on his feet, but silent. Stealth became his forte, although he'll never really be able to win head on at his mass. Not without a lot of skilled footwork and a lot of luck. If he were younger he'd joke about being a ninja or an assassin. If he had less cares in the world he would joke, but that's not how things came to be.

But he was fine being able to take something down without being heard. He was fine with staying in shadows and moving through places unnoticed. It made it easier for him to try and be independent. To become some lone wolf who didn't need company anymore.

He was never meant for it. His friends probably knew. He knew, honestly. He deluded himself that he could do this. It's not like his friends didn't try to help. He just became fairly distant. Social situations made him uncomfortable. He didn't mind listening, but he knew those looks. When spoken to and that look of pity when he can't respond back. It made him sick.

And it was inevitable. The breakdown. It wasn't a matter of if. It was when it would happen. When everything finally caved in and all the nights of him silently screaming, willing to make a noise caught up with him. When he'd recite lyrics to raps that he'll never actually be able to perform. When he still wakes up clawing at his throat and sobbing because it'll always be a harsh reality and never a bad dream.

It may be awkward and ill-timed, but it couldn't wait. He couldn't just tell his emotions to wait. Not when he was so desperate. Starved for attention. And if he couldn't seek solace in someone who had the same face as him, who could he actually rely on? So, hopefully the other isn't too mad when Dave just slips in, still fully clothed, looking like he's standing on a ledge like he's all but given up.

[turntechtrainer]

Mad? No. Dave had made peace with the fact his silent other self had walked away from all they knew. If he needed that to endure, he will work twice as hard to ensure their friends are ok. John didn't bring it up anymore.

He turns when he hears the rustle of clothes and the sense of someone behind him. The world seems to slow down. It had been ages since he'd seen Animus Dave and now he looks so lost. The soap clatters to the floor from suddenly numb fingers and he steps through the water spray to reach him. "Holy shit. Dave? What the devil have you been up to??"

[knightime]

Dave presses his face against Dave's chest, not caring that he's getting wet. Or that the other is bare. Why does it matter to him anyways? It doesn't. His shoulders sag and shake and he isn't sure if it's because of all the pressure finally taking its toll or the relief of being near someone again. Maybe it's a mix of both.

And mostly, he hopes he can be forgiven. Because he was an idiot. He ditched everyone he cared for to try and be something he never was. And he shouldn't have. He should have helped. He shouldn't had let this eat at him to the point that he rather live in solitude. He just mouths he's sorry. Even if the other can't see his face right now.

[turntechtrainer]

His mouth hangs open and he wraps his arms around Dave, the smaller man's shaking rattling the iron doors deep in his mind. He had never cried, not for Bro, not for himself. Not for anything. He just didn't know how to do it. Or maybe that's what he tells himself.

Sorry.

His eye stings and he shuts, murmuring soft words into Dave's hair as he holds him close to his chest and strokes his back. He had enough practice with that too as Rose fell to pieces on him. "Welcome back." He breathes, his hair falling away from the empty socket and scar that runs right up into his temples and down to his chin.

[knightime]

Dave wraps his arms around the other tightly. Almost like he's afraid that if he lets go, the other will disappear. That he spent too long away and he couldn't get back what he had. That he just needed to make sure that the other was still here and that he could come back.

It took him too long to figure out that home had always existed even in this hell. It just wasn't a place. It was people. They made up his home and he wanted to be back.

It takes a little bit before the other seems to calm down.

[turntechtrainer]

He continues to rub his other self's back, the nonsensical words tumbling from his lips in an endless stream. He hasn't talked so much in years. He can't seem to stop. There's no silence to stretch on, only words spoken in the quiet that almost sound like a story. If a story were constructed of comforting words spoken by a man who had long forgotten had to talk for hours.

[knightime]

The words are soothing in wondrous ways. He never realized how much he missed hearing people. Missed voices that belonged to other beings. It was dumb to try and live a life of silence. Not when he was always someone who immersed himself in sound.

He finally pulls back and he has it in him to look a little sheepish, shuffling from foot to foot. Maybe he should wait until the other finishes showering.

[turntechtrainer]

He doesn't let go, but he eases his grip a little. "You're already soaked, you might want to just strip and join me." Dave wouldn't care. They're the same guy. Technically. Or whenever it's convenient to call themselves the exact same dude. He lets go entirely to turn around and casts a glance around for the soap. he spots it, stuffs his foot right under it and flips it to his right hand.

Such a handy fucking trick. He loves it so for the lack of needing to put the soap on a damn rope.

[knightime]

Dave struggles a bit to get his clothes off with how heavy they've gotten and how they cling to his body. Still, he gets them off, letting them drop to the floor with a large flopping sound.

He's got some old scars and some fresh injuries that seem to be steadily healing. It's a good and bad sign. It means Dave hasn't died recently. It also means he's been fighting and probably by himself.

[turntechtrainer]

He looks back at him in time to see the fresher injuries and his flat expression so much like Bro's goes subtly flatter. At first he could be mistaken for checking Dave out. It takes only a few seconds for him to twist around and deliver a wet slap to his other self's hip.

Not that he really is one to talk. His back and chest are covered with old scars. Dave has thrown himself into every battle possible. As the experiments went on (one time he was a werewolf and needed put down), so did scars layer over one another. He snorts, and turns back around to keep scrubbing. Don't fight alone, dumbass.

[knightime]

Dave jumps and his face immediately flushes when the other slaps him. Despite the Tower hardening him, there's still the signs that the Tower didn't completely take him away.

He sticks his tongue out at the other and flips him off. You seriously did that. But he won't be fighting alone anymore. He's giving that up for good. He isn't cut out to be alone.